HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED IF you ARE ACTUALLY on a team?

I was watching a little football this weekend and as is typical at these games, there were fans all decked out in their team’s gear or better yet, in gear they had made themselves. You know, costume level gear. I am assuming this was an attempt to get on TV or show the rest of us they are that team’s biggest fan? Is this behavior a release from the drudgery of their life, an escape? Is it something they learned from their family that they do now, an almost nostalgia-like effect? What drives these folks to behave in this way? They don’t play in the games or in any way affect the outcome of the game. “They” are not actually on the team. Now most of these people are wonderfully nice and go home and on Monday go back to work at their job. I guess I’m just not sure why a grown person needs to spend that much time and money and effort to cheer for something they are not actually a part of. Do you?

Sports fans aren’t alone. You have your Disney fans, your Star Wars fans, your Hollywood fans, or fans of a particular company, religion, social, or political group. People are wearing clothing emblazoned with logos and advertisements and slogans. They go to conventions, throw theme parties, and create whole personas around their fascination with a particular theme. They are paying money, sometimes substantial amounts, to put this stuff on their body or car or home. They want others to know that this is their jam, their thing. Why?  

Many years ago, a friend of mine got a new computer, an Apple. Cost him a fortune (for the time and for his lifestyle). But he had to have an Apple. Was convinced it was a superior product. Told me how many ways it was going to help him at work and at home. Ok, I thought. He did his research and the expense to spend more was justified in his mind. Fine. Later that day, we went to lunch and my friend drove and I noticed he had put that sticker Apple gives you on his car window. I rolled my eyes. His purchase had nothing to do with a superior product and everything to do with his being included with the “Mac” crowd. It was a status symbol like look at me, I have expensive tastes, or I am better than you or whatever the message Apple wants people to think it is. He bought into the clever advertisement and strategy Apple employs. They aren’t a company selling you something but a lifestyle, a movement, a team.

Now your first tendency might be to think I am judging people who behave in this way. Not directly, no, because almost everyone has a team they wish to be associated with. What’s yours? And to what level are you “participating” in that team? How far do you go? Say someone was transported in time from 1850 to today and they were spending the day with you in your home. How confused would they be and could you explain to them the stuff you wear, watch, or have in your home? How much of it is practical needs and how much is fantasy? The point is not judgement so much as it is a realization for how much your team permeates your life.  

Human beings are social creatures. From the dawn of humanity, there have been tribes and groups and populations of people living together. Many hands make light work, and a group is much harder to attack than an individual. Very important biological concepts at work here. Fundamental stuff. To make this biological approach work, an individual needs to get something from the group they cannot get on their own and it needs to serve some purpose or value. Not getting it will cause the individual harm so they will compromise something else to get it. Thus, a group can coexist because the greater good they receive supersedes their individual need in the moment. Remove this, and we have selfishness and no community. Thus, we are biologically wired to be open to this principle after countless generations have come and gone. Put bluntly, most of us are compelled to be a part of a team.

I know this. You know this. So do companies and political organizations and sports teams. They are counting on your instinct to want to be a part of a team and then bombarding you with possibilities to be part of theirs. The number one way this works is so called name brands. People will spend hundreds of dollars extra on a coat, not because the coat is superior in some way, but because some “famous person” is associated with it. Now the “famous person” did not actually make the coat most of the time or perhaps even design it. They simply put their name on it and people want to be associated with their brand, their team. Oh look, Bobby is wearing __________. He must be cool. Or rich. Or better than someone who isn’t wearing that “name brand”. Step back and realize how ridiculous that is and yet we do it all the time. With everything. Our economy is partly built on it.

It all comes down to wanting to be on a team. And it doesn’t even need to be a “cool” team as long as there are others standing with you. An adult who still collects toys might feel ostracized by society for doing so but will feel empowered if they can find other adults who do the same. It is very, very difficult to stand alone and do something that goes against “the norm” for any length of time. Now, thanks to technology, you can connect with anyone around the world and form your own team. And that is what is happening. Before, social pressure would force a person to change their behavior to meet what society was doing. To get the benefits. Now, a person doesn’t need to change because they can find their team online. And the more people they find that think as they do, the bigger their team and the more empowered they become.  And what was once a lone voice or opinion has become a force.

At the core of all this is a simple realization of how much the teams in your life affect who you are and what you do. And even pretending to be associated with the team is often sufficient to fulfill whatever rewards being on a team provides. Your entire mood or emotional state can be compromised, often for hours, based on whether your team won or lost. This is scary because some are basing their whole identities on their relationship with a team they have no actual impact on. My takeaway is this: Do an evaluation of the teams you choose to represent in your life. Who are you putting on your back, on your car, or in your home? How well do you know them and what they actually represent? How much of your self-worth is tied up in this perceived team you are on? Is it healthy and making you the best version of self? Or is it a crutch, a way to hide from the fear of loneliness or criticism that comes when you aren’t on a team? And lastly, please do not believe these teams have your best interest in mind when you aren’t actually on the team. You are just a customer, a pawn to be moved by them for their own benefit. They can betray you at any time because you aren’t actually relevant other than to meet their bottom line. This isn’t always the case, but you would be very foolish to just blindly trust them. Vet your teams. Look at the power and impact they have on your life and ask yourself “How much of you is tied up in them?

-DR. B